you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
