Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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