garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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