Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
