Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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