I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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