i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The air taste purple.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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