Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
