literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
