Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
