It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
