i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
