Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
