Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
