that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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