i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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