I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Terrible idea I love it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
