What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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