My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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