Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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