I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
