did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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