It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
