I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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