I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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