Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
