its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
