Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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