for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
