the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
