I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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