It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Houston, we have a blender
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
