people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
