You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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