So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
