u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
