Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just google imaged poop.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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