by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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