I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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