im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
