You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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