dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
