Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
whose parrot is this?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
