No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
