What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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