I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
