see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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