She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
