I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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