Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
