Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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