My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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