Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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