i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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