I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
