go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Text me some of your sweat
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
