Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
