We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
