OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
