Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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