When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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