Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
