It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
