where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
