Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i have two assholes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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