Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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