i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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