literally had 100 drinks last night.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
