its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
