Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
