And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
