I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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